oh hey mates. I know I know I have been absent for almost two months, I'm sorry.  I don't know why suddenly this topic comes through my mind and I feel like wanna share it with you guys tho, so my background up until today ( Monday, 12 March 2018, 07:40 AM ) still Chinese and Buddhist in my Identity Card but some part of me myself says that this is not me. considering physically I really do not look at Chinese at all and yes, I believe in Jesus since I was primary two.
almost everyday since I was kid I have to help my parents to run their business and 98% of their customers thought I am their maid somehow there is lil bit of myself that hurt you know. up until now since I was little, I never really go along with both my mum and dad, instead I really close to my maids like seriously tho I can talk all day long with my maids. I really love them.
since I was little, everytime my mum mad at me or something I always told her ( my maid ) until one day when I was senior high. she gave a hint about my real identity ( she work for my parents for 15+ years so.. ) and it awaked me. she told me as physically I look different from others, most of their eyes are slanted meanwhile mine are big. most of their skin is white meanwhile I'm darker. and many more. in addition sometimes I do not feel like treat the way I should be treated like everyday I should home before 5 PM because she wants me to open her store which means I do not really have time with friends. I feel like trapped in this house and I hate it. 
so yeah, now I'm trying to figure out who I really am, what is my real background because it means a lot to me for now nor in future. why I say about future? okay let me tell you what. from I senior high up until now, Chinese men never chasing after me and guess what my parents are kinda racist which I hate it so much so you guys know what I'm going to type next.. and yes, I wanna married with christian man. Chinese or others are fine with me as long as he is christian but since Chinese men never attracted to me so maybe I should write " chinese  or others are fine with me ". the other reason why I really want to know my real identity is because I'm done telling others " I am Chinese " although deep down I know I'm not.
why now I feel emotional uh?! okay enough with this topic, I'm wanna share my favorite guy plus singer recently. Daniel Caesar. yes him. I never thought that I will love soul genre before I know him and I can heard his all tracks in Freudian album 24/7 tho. before sleep I listen to his voice, while study, while doing nothing and even now when I type this post I listen to his song. 
for you guys who curious about him, go check him out by click DANIEL CAESAR'S TRACKS .

next week I will go to Singapore with my classmates for study tour I am so freaking excited about it and I will share it in my blog so make sure you guys don't miss it alright? and yes everytime I post something new in my blog, I will announce it in my Instagram ( vneesaa ) I do hope we can be friend in my Instagram account(: