STILL FIGURE IT OUT.

oh hey mates. I know I know I have been absent for almost two months, I'm sorry.  I don't know why suddenly this topic comes through my mind and I feel like wanna share it with you guys tho, so my background up until today ( Monday, 12 March 2018, 07:40 AM ) still Chinese and Buddhist in my Identity Card but some part of me myself says that this is not me. considering physically I really do not look at Chinese at all and yes, I believe in Jesus since I was primary two.
almost everyday since I was kid I have to help my parents to run their business and 98% of their customers thought I am their maid somehow there is lil bit of myself that hurt you know. up until now since I was little, I never really go along with both my mum and dad, instead I really close to my maids like seriously tho I can talk all day long with my maids. I really love them.
since I was little, everytime my mum mad at me or something I always told her ( my maid ) until one day when I was senior high. she gave a hint about my real identity ( she work for my parents for 15+ years so.. ) and it awaked me. she told me as physically I look different from others, most of their eyes are slanted meanwhile mine are big. most of their skin is white meanwhile I'm darker. and many more. in addition sometimes I do not feel like treat the way I should be treated like everyday I should home before 5 PM because she wants me to open her store which means I do not really have time with friends. I feel like trapped in this house and I hate it. 
so yeah, now I'm trying to figure out who I really am, what is my real background because it means a lot to me for now nor in future. why I say about future? okay let me tell you what. from I senior high up until now, Chinese men never chasing after me and guess what my parents are kinda racist which I hate it so much so you guys know what I'm going to type next.. and yes, I wanna married with christian man. Chinese or others are fine with me as long as he is christian but since Chinese men never attracted to me so maybe I should write " chinese  or others are fine with me ". the other reason why I really want to know my real identity is because I'm done telling others " I am Chinese " although deep down I know I'm not.
why now I feel emotional uh?! okay enough with this topic, I'm wanna share my favorite guy plus singer recently. Daniel Caesar. yes him. I never thought that I will love soul genre before I know him and I can heard his all tracks in Freudian album 24/7 tho. before sleep I listen to his voice, while study, while doing nothing and even now when I type this post I listen to his song. 
for you guys who curious about him, go check him out by click DANIEL CAESAR'S TRACKS .

next week I will go to Singapore with my classmates for study tour I am so freaking excited about it and I will share it in my blog so make sure you guys don't miss it alright? and yes everytime I post something new in my blog, I will announce it in my Instagram ( vneesaa ) I do hope we can be friend in my Instagram account(:

xx,
nessa

2 comments:

  1. Welcome back to blogging! It sounds like you have been thinking about some very deep things, I hope you get the answers you are looking for. Nothing wrong with having an idea of the kind of partner you want later in life too, I'm sure once you have the perfect partner in mind it will be easier to find them!

    Hope you are having a good weekend :) We are having a quiet one to recover from our busy week!

    Away From The Blue Blog

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